Even those who appear to support gay relationships can be heard saying… “I support Civil Unions, but not gay marriage.” What exactly does this mean? Some even say they support equal rights for gays and lesbians, but not the right to marriage. Is this possible?   I think the biggest reason that there are those who oppose is because they do not understand why gays and lesbians want marriage so badly when they can have civil unions?

First of all there needs to be a definition of what is what when it comes to the options that have been proposed to Gays and Lesbians.

What is Marriage? When people marry, they are most often doing so for reasons of love and commitment; the type of commitment that means “till death do us part” as stated in the marriage vows.  But marriage is so much more than that; it is a legal status that transcends the living part of that commitment as well.  There are certain rights and responsibilities that are immediate and indisputable. Marriage establishes a legal kinship between you and your spouse. It is a relationship that is recognized across cultures, countries and religions.

What is a Civil Union? Civil Unions currently exist in only a handful of places: Vermont, New Jersey and Connecticut. California and Oregon have domestic partnership laws that offer many of the same rights as civil unions but not the full range of what is established through a legal marriage.

Vermont civil unions were created in 2000 to provide legal protections to gays and lesbians in relationships in that state because gay marriage is not an option. The protections do not extend beyond the border of Vermont and no federal protections are included with a Civil Union. Civil Unions offer some of the same rights and responsibilities as marriage, but only on a state level.

What about Domestic partnership? Some states and municipalities have domestic partnership registries, but no domestic partnership law is the same. Some, like the recently passed California domestic partnership law comes with many rights and responsibilities. Others, like the one in Washington offer very few benefits to the couple.

What are some of the differences between Civil Unions and Gay Marriage?

Recognition in other states: Even though each state has its own laws around marriage, if someone is married in one state and moves to another, their marriage is legally recognized. For example, Oregon marriage law applies to people 17 and over. In Washington state, the couple must be 18 to wed. However, Washington will recognize the marriage of two 17 year olds from Oregon who move there. This is not the case with Civil Unions. If someone has a Civil Union in Vermont, that union is not recognized in any other state. As a matter of fact, two states, Connecticut and Georgia, have ruled that they do not have to recognize civil unions performed in Vermont, because their states have no such legal category. As gay marriages become legal in other states, this status may change.

Dissolving a Civil Union v. Divorce: Vermont has no residency requirement for Civil Unions.

That means two people from any other state or country can come there and have a civil union ceremony. If the couple breaks up and wishes to dissolve the union, one of them must be a resident of Vermont for one year before the Civil Union can be dissolved in family court. Married couples can divorce in any state they reside, no matter where they were married.

Immigration: A United States citizen who is married can sponsor his or her non-American spouse for immigration into this country. Those with Civil Unions have no such privilege.

Taxes: Civil Unions are not recognized by the federal government, so couples would not be able to file joint-tax returns or be eligible for tax breaks or protections the government affords to married couples.

Benefits: The General Accounting Office in 1997 released a list of 1,049 benefits and protections available to heterosexual married couples. These benefits range from federal benefits, such as survivor benefits through Social Security, sick leave to care for ailing partner, tax breaks, veterans benefits and insurance breaks. They also include things like family discounts, obtaining family insurance through your employer, visiting your spouse in the hospital and making medical decisions if your partner is unable to. Civil Unions protect some of these rights, but not all of them.

So why don’t they just get a lawyer set all this up for gay and lesbian couples?

Because while a lawyer can set up some things like durable power of attorney, wills and medical power of attorney. There are several problems with this, however.  Even if this is accomplished, it can cost thousands of dollars just in legal fees alone.  Whereas a simple marriage license instantly covers all the same rights and benefits, but at a fraction of the cost; usually under $100.  Besides, even with all of that in place, all of it can be challenged in any court of law.  Wills are challenged far more often than most people realize.  In the case of Wills, a legal spouse always has more legal power than any other family member; regardless of any other legal documents they may possess. 

Another major factor is that marriage laws are universal and govern all situations.  An example would be if someone’s husband or wife is injured in an accident, all you need to do is show up and say you’re his or her spouse. You will not be questioned. If you show up at the hospital with your legal paperwork, the employees may not know what to do with you. If you simply say, "He's my husband," you will immediately be taken to your spouse's side.  There have been many cases where a biological family member has taken charge of a medical situation and has barred the other person, regardless of the establishment of a Civil Union or Domestic Partnership from being in the room with their loved one.

With Respect to the Defense of Marriage Law

Even with lesbian and gay marriages being performed and recognized in some states, the Federal Defense of Marriage Law prohibits the federal government from recognizing gay and lesbian relationships. This puts gay and lesbian couples who are married in a legal limbo. How do they file their tax returns? Do they have to pay the tax on their partner’s health insurance? How do they fill out legal and other forms, single or married?

Creating Civil Unions creates a separate and unequal status for some of America’s citizens. The Massachusetts Supreme Judicial court ruled that creating a separate class for gay and lesbian citizens is not permissible and that is why they have voted that only marriage equals marriage. The precedent was set with Brown v. The Board of Education regarding segregation in public education. Ironically, Massachusetts marriage law went into effect on the 50th anniversary of Brown v. Board of Education. 

As you can see, marriage and civil unions are not the same. Creating equal access to marriage is the only fair way to ensure equality for gay and straight couples alike.

With the denial of gay marriage, gay and lesbian couples are kept from more than just a ceremony and marriage certificate. There are many real legal and economic benefits of marriage that gays and lesbians are denied because they are not allowed to marry. What are the legal rights and benefits of marriage?

According to Lambda Legal Defense, more than 1,400 legal rights are conferred upon heterosexual married couples in the United States. By not being allowed to marry, gays and lesbians are denied these rights. Even in the state of Massachusetts, the only US state with legalized gay marriage, most of the benefits of marriage do not apply, because the Defense of Marriage Act states that the federal government only recognizes marriage as "a legal union of one man and one woman as husband and wife".

Here are some of the legal rights that married couples have and gays and lesbians are denied:

1.      Joint parental rights of children

2.      Joint adoption

3.      Status as "next-of-kin" for hospital visits and medical decisions

4.      Right to make a decision about the disposal of loved ones remains

5.      Immigration and residency for partners from other countries

6.      Crime victims’ recovery benefits

7.      Domestic violence protection orders

8.      Automatic inheritance in the absence of a will

9.      Public safety officers’ death benefits

10.    Spousal veterans’ benefits

11.    Social Security

12.    Medicare

13.    Joint filing of tax returns

14.    Wrongful death benefits for surviving partner and children

15.    Bereavement or sick leave to care for partner or children

16.    Child support

17.    Spousal Support such as alimony

18.    Joint Insurance Plans

19.    Tax credits including: Child tax credit, Hope and lifetime learning credits

20.    Deferred Compensation for pension and IRAs

21.    Estate and gift tax benefits

22.    Welfare and public assistance

23.    Joint housing for elderly

24.    Credit protection

25.    Joint filing for bankruptcy

26.    Medical care for survivors and dependents of certain veterans

27.    Exemption from Property Tax on Partner’s Death

28.    Immunity from Testifying Against Spouse